Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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