Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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