M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
