hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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