It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
