i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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