He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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