doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just gargled with NyQuil
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
