I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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