yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
