I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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