I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
