Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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