if you like me you must not know who I am
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
