My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
