Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
