just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
