He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
