if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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