I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
