feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
