U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Four minutes until I can fart!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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