he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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