So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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