If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
