Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
