we're blogging at a bar
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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