My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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