Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
