Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
