I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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