I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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