Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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