I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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