he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
