So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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