I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
