I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
