The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
