I feel great
I just peed on a car
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
