Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
