worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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