Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
