I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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