You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
