Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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