I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
