Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
