I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
