you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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