if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
