Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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