When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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