okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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