so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
