I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
