she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
