All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
