best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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