Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
