Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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