It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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