Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
