I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
