Just cropdusted the office
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
