I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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