Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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