I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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