That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That accounts for only three of the penises
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize